Reflecting on time

At this time of year, I find myself reflecting on time itself. Past, present, and future.

Today I am thinking of all three and am wondering what I would do if I could redo my life from a certain point. If I were to restart things at Grade 3 – when I met one of my favourite teachers, Mr. Wiens – would the trajectory of my life have gone a different path? Knowing the mistakes I made along the way, could I correct things? Would they be better or worse as a result?

Later, in my high school years, would I have better scholastic discipline? Would my grades be better, and could I have gone to university earlier? Would I have asked out one of the high school girls I had a crush on, but didn’t have the nerve to approach?

And when my friend Larry died by suicide when I was 20, would I go into such a tailspin again when my bipolar disorder first surfaced? Indeed, would I choose to make friends with him in high school in the first place, knowing his fate?

Would I take the same jobs I had in the past? For example, the grocery store job I took as a teenager led me to some lifelong friendships, including one with my best man. Would I miss meeting those people if I didn’t take the job? Who else would I have met instead?

Another job I turned down, just because I had accepted an editor’s position in Dorchester, Ontario the day before, was as a wire editor in northern Ontario. Where would my writing career be today if I had taken the wire editor job instead?

If I had made changes along the way, I might not have met my beloved wife, Marilyn. The thought of her not being in my life breaks my heart – and the fact we are married gladdens my heart to no end.

So, if I were given the chance, I’d keep things the same. All I can do is learn from the past and make the future trajectory of my life the best it can be.